Two Lives, One Choice
by amehanaa
Summary: I meant to save Lucy, but I ended up saving myself.


**It's been a while since I've posted a new one-shot, hasn't it? It feels good to write one again.**

 **I've had this one-shot planned since Christmas. Thinking of as many scenes as I can before I could write it all on one go, I finally wrote it.**

 **Notice: Natsu is extremely OOC in this.**

 **I strongly recommend listening to some sad anime ost while reading this. I played the Nagi No Asukara ost as I wrote this. It'll create a better effect, I swear. ;-)**

 **I want to apologize for my lack of updating. I'll explain it all on my next update (which is hopefully LWH on Wednesday).**

 **Well, here's my first story down for Saturday. Two more stories/Saturdays to go.**

 **Enjoy this one-shot, everyone! ~**

 **Edit: It's been a while since I've posted this, but I felt the need to add this. I do not encourage/support any of the actions done in this one-shot. Please, _talk_ to someone if you're feeling any type of depression. Suicide is never the option. **

* * *

I've never been happy with my life.

I've never had a real family that loved me. I've never had good grades. I've never been able to find a career I like.

I've never liked a girl before. I've never been in love.

I know life isn't about falling in love or anything, but I can't take living like this. It's all becoming too much.

Whatever this depressing lifestyle is, I don't want to do it anymore.

So, tonight, I decided I'm going to kill myself.

There's a building I've had my eye on for the past few weeks. It surges so high into the sky, I'm sure the view is breathtaking up there.

It isn't hard—leaving my house.

My foster dad, Igneel, drinks until he's blacked out every night. He reeks of alcohol whenever he's awake. He loves alcohol more than he loves me and my deceased foster mom.

Tonight is no different when I exit my home. Dad is still off in his little corner drinking his life away.

I don't bother to look back once I've closed the door.

I'm never going to be leaving my home again after this. I'm never going to talk to Dad again. I'm never going to pet my cat, Happy, again.

Everything that I'm doing at this moment as I walk towards the building, I'm never going to be able to do it ever again.

However, I'm never going to hear the awful noise of Dad chugging down his whiskey. That's a plus.

Everything seems to be working out. All of the doors of my new favorite building are unlocked, and that includes the door to the rooftop.

The metal door creaks as I push it open, meeting up with the empty rooftop. The railing that is ringed around the rooftop lures me in, and when I reach it, I instantly looking down.

"Awesome," I breathe out.

I'm able to see each of the roofs of cars cruising down the street, headlights illuminating their path.

I'm calmer than I thought I was going to be; I stare at the cars until my eyes begin to burn.

Once it's time to do what I planned, my fingers creep up to the skinny bar pressing against my waist.

"You can do this. You've tried before," I encourage myself under my breath with developing ragged breaths.

It's always this part that makes my heart begin to pound.

My steady hands grip onto the railing in front of me as I contemplate on how to bring myself over the rail.

I can see where my body will land. I can see where the ambulance will be wailing to come and get me. I can see everything in Magnolia that I would like to see.

But there is one thing I am not expecting to see.

A girl—a blonde one—across the building from mine and in the exact position I'm in. Her hair breezes with the faint wind as she looks down at the same street below us.

 _Is she an angel? Have I died already?_

She must feel my eyes on her, because within seconds, her eyes connect with mine. That's when I know I'm not dead yet.

 _The pain in her eyes would definitely not exist in the life after death._

"D-Don't do it," I stutter, my voice hoarse.

She tilts her head to the side, pointing to her ear.

"Don't do it!" I raise my voice to compete with the noise of honking cars.

"I won't if you don't!" she shouts back, her voice echoing in the air to arrive to me.

I hesitate, giving her a look of disbelief. My grasp on the metal railing loosens with my uncertainty.

"Stay over there!" I tell her as I swiftly leave the rooftop, not even waiting for her response.

I leap down each stair four at a time. I ignore the regret bubbling up inside of me while I get farther and farther away from my building.

Looking both ways before I cross the busy street, I'm nearly sprinting up the stairs to meet the blonde girl I just met.

 _I don't even know who she is. Why am I doing this?_

"Hey," I greet her breathlessly when I reach the top of her building. I can hear my throbbing heartbeat in my ears.

The blonde doesn't move from her spot in front of the railing, but she looks over her shoulder at me.

"Hey," she replies shortly.

"I'm Natsu," I introduce myself, slowly walking to the edge beside her. "You?"

"Lucy," she says. "Lucy Heartfilia."

"Were you going to…" I cough awkwardly; I'm unable to finish my sentence.

"Isn't it obvious?" she gives me a side glance. "You were going to as well, right?"

"Yeah," I nod.

Some part of me feels that this conversation isn't going to last very long. I don't mind too much.

If Lucy is the last person I talk to, that's alright with me.

We're silent for almost five minutes. I'm about to ask if she just wants to get it over with, and it'll probably be better if we jumped together.

But before I'm able to speak my thoughts, Lucy blurts out hers.

"Maybe this is a sign."

"What?" I inquire with bewilderment.

"We were both about to commit suicide at the exact same time," she states. "Maybe this is a sign that we shouldn't?"

"Shouldn't?" I echo, feeling as though she's speaking nonsense. "You really think so?"

She nods. "What do you think?"

"Maybe it is a sign," I uneasily agree with her. "It just might be."

A small smile peeks out of her as she pulls away from the railing, twirling across the rooftop.

"Are you a dancer?" I ask.

"Only when I'm alone," she answers.

"You're with me, though," I remark.

"This is the only exception," she defends with her spinning coming to a stop.

A chuckle crawls up my throat, but I swallow it back.

"So, what's your story?" she questions after she's finished waltzing around.

"It's long," I warn. "What about you?"

"I have time," she assures. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

I can't say no to those twinkling chocolate brown orbs of hers.

So before I realize it, I'm telling Lucy—the girl I met just ten minutes ago—about my entire life and how my unhappiness has brought me up here.

We sit on the floor with our backs pressing into the metal rails.

The look in her eyes lets me know that she's completely focused on me; I can't remember the last time someone has actually looked at me the way she does.

Once I'm finished, it's Lucy's turn. I make sure to hang off every word she says.

It's not because she did it to me, but because her voice is... Nice.

I listen intently, feeling frustrated and conflicted as her story goes on.

Although I don't think anything of her now, with her story, I can't help but look at her with admiration.

Lucy doesn't deserve to die; she doesn't deserve anything her dad has done to her.

Yet as I think these innocent thoughts, every single day, I hope that I won't wake up when I fall asleep.

Lucy lets out a sigh when she's finished—her bangs swaying along with her sigh.

"Strange," I say plainly.

"What?" she asks, releasing her hold on the vertical bars of the railing that she has been squeezing since she began speaking.

"We're both abused, but in different ways," I muse aloud. "Neither of us are happy and we're both neglected by our dads."

"Small world, isn't it?" she replies.

"Yeah," I scoff. Catching a glimpse of the time on my phone, my eyes widen. "We should go back home now. It's late."

"Okay," she reluctantly accepts.

I push myself up to stand and extend my hand down to her. Lucy slips her hand into mine and allows me to pull her up.

"Can I have your phone number?" she bluntly requests.

I raise an eyebrow, a sarcastic remark somewhere inside of me, but I'm simply too exhausted for it all.

We exchange numbers—she stares at her phone screen with my name on it.

"Can I call you when I need help?" she questions softly. "For you know, when my dad is angry with me…"

"Any time," I respond. "I can call you when I need help, too, then?"

"Thanks. And of course," she gives me a smile.

I pause, studying her smile. It's a smile that I never want to vanish.

But it does much faster than I would have liked. I walk to the door to the rooftop and widen it open for Lucy.

"Here," I beckon her to come down the stairs with me.

Her eyes flicker with something that leaves as quickly as it appears, like the amount of time it takes for someone to realize a body has fallen off a building.

We walk side by side, taking one step at a time.

"This is a little weird," she admits.

"It's a sign," I repeat her words.

"Right."

We're back on the ground now. I can't stop myself from being upset, but with Lucy next to me, I'm not as upset as I would have been if I was alone.

 _You win some, you lose some._

"I live that way," Lucy points to the opposite direction of my house. "When can I see you again?"

The question causes me to hesitate once again. I can't believe how much Lucy has made me hesitated in the last three hours.

"I'll call you tomorrow," I reply eventually.

"Okay."

Her voice is eager.

"Nice meeting you, Lucy," I state as my goodbye.

"You too, Natsu," she responds.

We turn away from each other and stride back to our homes.

While I'm heading back, I feel an emotion that hasn't been inside of me in ages.

 _Why am I feeling this way? Because of Lucy?_

"Impossible," I mutter.

I sigh when I'm back at my house. I'm able to smell Dad's stench from the front porch.

Dad appears to be waiting for me while I open the door, though he's probably in the middle of leaving to buy more whiskey.

"Where were you? Trying to kill yourself again?" he inquires harshly.

I don't bother to answer as I step inside. It's pathetic how fast it is for the dark aura to surround me again.

I'm back to being the Natsu I was before I met Lucy; I regret running away from committing suicide again.

"You're the reason why my wife died," Dad slurs to me.

I can't remember the last time his voice didn't have a slur to it.

"You're just gonna ignore me?!" he spits out angrily as I continue to walk through the house.

"Goodnight, Dad," I say shortly.

I shuffle to my room, swinging open the door and clicking it shut behind me. I fall into my bed face first, Happy purring beside my bed.

"Third time," I mumble into my pillow.

Isn't the third time always a charm? Why am I still alive?

 _Why is my heart still beating like it's brand new?_

My phone buzzes in my pocket. Though I have no idea why, my hands tremble as I check the text message.

 _Lucy._

"Help," her text displays on the screen.

"Can I call you?" I tap the letters slowly.

Texting is something foreign to me. Sometimes I ask myself why I have a phone in the first place.

But right now, I'm glad I have one.

"Please," she replies instantly.

I shift my phone up to my ear as I listen to the ring. It rings once and it's halfway into the second ring when she answers.

"My dad didn't even notice I was gone," she reveals.

Lucy's voice is almost a whispering one as if she doesn't want to get caught talking on the phone.

"I don't think my dad noticed either," I confess.

"Can we talk until one of us falls asleep?" she submits another request.

"Sure," I accept with no hesitation.

It's been three hours now since we were both staring down at the ground, planning to kill ourselves.

I can't believe that all of this is happening.

"What school do you go to?" I question to make conversation.

"Acalypha High School. What about you?"

"Magnolia High."

"Is it nice there?"

"Hardly. At least one person gets expelled every day," I answer with a sense of shame in my school.

It's rare for someone to even bring a pencil to class.

"What about you?" I wonder aloud. "Is it nice at your _prestigious_ school?"

"Y-You know?" she stammers nervously. "This is so embarrassing."

"I can see you going there," I shrug, being able to see the four story building in the back of my mind.

"It's stressful," she sighs into the phone. "I have to get the best grades in order to keep going there. If I get kicked out, Dad will kill me."

There's a silence in between us. _Kill_ seems like such a foreign word right now.

"Do you think if I wasn't up on the rooftop today, you would have killed yourself?" she asks randomly.

"Of course," I respond truthfully. "But I'm not dead because it's a—"

"Sign," we finish together.

"Maybe this is our inner selves using all its strength to stay alive," I blurt out—ironic since it hasn't attempted to fight until now.

"Inner selves?" she ponders into the phone. "You know, Natsu, you're interesting."

"You're the first one to say that," I state incredulously.

"Really?" she inquires.

"Yeah," I nod, despite her not being able to see me.

"Well, you are," she repeats with a voice sounding sweet on the other end, like candy.

"You are, too," I retort. "I've never met someone with such bright hair before."

"Go look in the mirror, Natsu," she snorts.

"Why should I?" I twist around in my bed to get more comfortable.

"Your hair is brighter than mine," she remarks. "Even in the night, I could tell."

"Let's compare our hair during the day tomorrow," I suggest in hopes that we will actually meet tomorrow.

"Deal," she accepts the offer in a heartbeat.

"Alright," I feel the corner of my lips tug up in a small smile.

"Are we going to meet each other after school?"

"Let's skip school," I reply.

"No way. I could never do that," she refuses, her voice hinting that she's shaking her head. "My dad and I leave the house at the same time."

"Then pretend you're going to school," I plan everything out as I speak. "We can meet somewhere in town and go to—"

"I'll do it," she interrupts me.

"Really?" I ask with large eyes.

"I might as well do something crazy in my life," she responds. "I'm willing to do anything with you."

"You're safe with me," I guarantee before I realize what I'm saying.

"What are you, a superhero?" she giggles.

"Be quiet," I mumble, feeling hot out of nowhere. I hastily take my shirt off and fling it somewhere away from me.

"I look forward to seeing you again," she whispers.

"Me too," I yawn.

"I'm tired, too," she returns the yawn. "I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll be waiting," I tell her with a voice I have no idea is inside of me.

"Goodnight, Natsu," she says.

"Goodnight, Lucy," I mutter, hearing her disconnect the call as soon as I'm finished.

I view my phone with a dumbfounded expression.

Is Lucy going to be alright? What if she calls me while I'm asleep and I don't hear the phone?

Because these thoughts, I'm not able to sleep. When I close my eyes, all I see is Lucy, Lucy, and more Lucy.

It's somewhat relieving that if it wasn't for me, Lucy's dazzling smile would be gone.

Perhaps what Lucy said is true—it was fate for us to meet tonight.

Is it fate for us to also kill ourselves in the end, too?

* * *

I'm at our meeting spot earlier than I said I was going to be. The bright morning sun is gradually making its way higher into the sky.

With each minute that ticks by, I'm convinced Lucy isn't going to come. Our plan probably failed; I'm not surprised.

"Natsu!" a shrill voice calls out to me when I'm officially convinced.

I spin around to the voice to find Lucy waving at me.

"Good morning," I greet her, feeling as though I'm seeing her in a completely different light now.

It's not a bad thing.

"I feel so rebellious right now," she laughs lightly. "I decided to change since my school uniform would make me stand out."

"Uniform," I snort. "Your school really must be nice."

"It's not," she reassures, stepping closer to me. "Where are we going today?"

"Do you like space?" I ask.

"Space?" she echoes. "Like, astronomy?"

I nod, shoving my hands in my pockets and leading her down the street.

"The streets are so empty when we're supposed to be in school," she observes as she takes a brief glance around us.

"You know what that means," I reply, looking at her with amusement.

"What?" she questions.

"The planetarium will be empty, too."

"There's a planetarium here?!" she exclaims. "Since when?!"

The chuckle that I swallowed back last night forces its way outside of me.

"So you can laugh," a smiles dances across her lips.

"Of course I can," I frown. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You've been looking serious since we told each other our stories last night," she somewhat scolds. "Why don't you show some emotion?"

"But I would just be pretending," I mumble.

"It's not that bad," she mutters with me. "You get used to it."

I peek at her through my peripheral vision, being able to see her smiling down at the ground.

"Right," I speak under my breath.

As we stroll to the planetarium, Lucy is the one that does the talking. I'm not used to speaking so much, and she seems to notice. Thankfully, she knows exactly what to do.

"Sweet or sour?" she asks.

"Sour," I answer. "Sweet is too…"

"Sweet?" she finishes for me.

"Yeah," I don't have choice but to accept how ridiculous it all sounds.

"What about you?" I inquire. "Sweet or sour?"

"Sweet," she responds with a glint in her eye. "Sour is too sour."

"Go get new taste buds," I shake my head, earning a soft giggle from her.

I'm too distracted by Lucy's questions that I'm sure we've circled around the planetarium at least ten times.

When we finally go inside, the planetarium is as empty as I thought it was going to be.

"The next show is in thirty minutes," the receptionist informs.

"Thank you," Lucy and I say together and walk off to a bench to pass time.

We resume our little game that only exists for the sole purpose of getting to know each other.

After the thirty minutes, I find myself feeling disappointed that I can't learn more about Lucy.

"There's only twenty people here," Lucy notes while we step inside the dome-shaped room.

"Is that bad?" I search for the best seat for us. I'm lucky enough to know that the middle seats in the middle row are the best in the entire room.

"Not at all," she replies, plopping into her seat beside mine.

Though there are only twenty people in the room, the show is the same one they'd give if the room is entirely filled.

When a new constellation is revealed on the large curved screen above us, I'm able to hear Lucy's hushed surprised gasps.

I can't help but steal a glance at her sometime through the show. It's strange that although the stars above us are merely being projected onto a wall, the reflection off Lucy's eyes is stunning.

"I want to go back!" Lucy declares after the show.

I open the door for her to leave the planetarium, forgetting that it's still morning.

"We can go tomorrow after school," I propose.

"No," she opposes with a shake of her head. "I want to go when there's nobody there again."

This is surely her silent way of telling me we should skip school again.

"Well, alright," I give in. "Let's go do something else now."

I begin to bring Lucy to stores she's never been to before, and I'm caught off guard when she brings _me_ to stores I've never been to.

We're together from morning to late afternoon. Once the sunset arrives, Lucy breaks the news, modestly holding her hands behind her back.

"I have to go now. If I'm not home soon, Dad will get suspicious."

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" I raise a brow.

"Because being with you is fun," she averts her gaze to hide her rosy cheeks.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I smirk.

"You really like to smirk a lot, don't you?" she stifles a laugh, taking a few steps away. "See you tomorrow!"

She waves goodbye and I return her waves. There's a sensation in my chest I'm not familiar with.

It's the same feeling I received after Lucy and I separated last night.

"That was fun," I admit.

And I can tell Lucy thought it was, too.

* * *

There is never an agreement to skip school every day and meet at our designated spot. It just happens.

Lucy and I spend at least eight hours together, going across all of Magnolia. But before we do that, we go to the planetarium to start off our morning.

It's the same show each and every time, yet Lucy continues to gasp at the shimmering constellations.

We've gotten closer than I would have ever expected us to.

I tell Lucy things I've never told anyone before.

Lucy always whispers when she tells me something she has never told anyone before either.

This friendship we share is something I never want to lose. I want to cherish it as much as I can.

Although, this friendship feels a little different than all the other ones I've had. Every second that I'm with Lucy, my heart beats faster than normal.

I can't tell if it's because of her or my wishes of dying by illness rather than suicide are coming true.

There's something I notice on Lucy; however, I don't mention it.

There's always a new light purple bruise on her arms when we meet. I want to talk to her about it, but she immediately covers it up with her sleeve when I accidentally see it.

The smiles she gives me don't allow me to bring it up.

After being with Lucy for four weeks—mostly skipping school every morning, but we force ourselves to go sometimes—it seems a bit unbelievable that I ever wanted to leave this world.

A world with Lucy is all I want. I never want to leave. I don't want to let go of her.

"Nobody is forcing you to," Lucy tells me once I've accidentally blurted out my thoughts.

"How about you?" I lean against my hand on the table we're at, paying attention to her more than my meal.

"I feel exactly the same way as you," she confesses coyly.

And again, I have to force myself from not reaching over the table and brushing my thumb across her pink cheeks.

We exit the restaurant half an hour later, giving each other a small smile before separating ways.

It's become a habit to watch her walk away from me until she turns the corner of the street. Just by her steps, I can tell she's happy.

Weirdly enough, I'm happy, too. Just Lucy's presence is sufficient.

For the first time since I was a child, I am genuinely happy.

Because of her. Everything is because of her.

I silently observe Lucy while we're together, mentally keeping track of how many times she has admitted she's doing things she hasn't done before. It's inspiring.

And the bruises on her arms fading away after a few days make me feel like I'm on top of the world.

Lucy seems to be transforming into a happier person every day. It makes me wonder.

Perhaps she's starting off her new life with us being together by having a clean slate.

A new chapter with no depression, no suicidal thoughts, no darkness.

It only makes me want to have a clean slate as well.

But there's just one thing I want to add. Something that requires _lots_ of training to say.

"I'm in love with Lucy," I practice saying aloud, pretending that Happy is Lucy. "Do you think I can tell her, Happy?"

Happy's short purr is the only answer I receive with each question I ask him.

"I'm going to do it," I proclaim firmly. "I'm going to confess to Lucy tomorrow."

Happy's final purr is enough for me.

Lucy has taught me to tell her everything on my mind, regardless of what it is. The once comforting offer backfires immensely tonight.

"You're hiding something, aren't you?" she asks me skeptically through the phone.

"I'm not," I insist.

"You better not be," she attempts to be menacing, but it doesn't work in the slightest.

Like always, time flies while we speak to each other on the phone.

"Goodnight, Natsu," she whispers after we've hit the three hour mark.

"Goodnight, Lucy," I reply gently, listening to her disconnect the call.

I'm too restless to sleep as I think of all the possible ways to tell Lucy I love her. There are so many scenarios playing inside my head, I don't realize it's morning when I've run out of scenarios.

"Already?" I peer out the window to find a light gray sky.

Falling back into bed, I close my eyes to get as much sleep as I can before my alarm goes off.

Yet as soon as I feel myself dozing off, there's a pang in my chest.

My eyes shoot open as my breath is lodged into my throat. I clutch onto the bedsheet, unable to do anything else but endure the sharp pain stabbing at me.

 _I'm going to die._

My heart is hammering against my chest with an uneven rhythm. I can't breathe.

Even though the pain ends eventually, my body feels paralyzed with fear. I squeeze the bedsheet a few times to make sure I can still move.

"What the hell was that?" I mutter, ignoring the beads of sweat on my forehead.

I feel the impulse to text Lucy to check if she's alright, but I dismiss the thought. She's probably asleep.

Pushing whatever _that_ was away, I go back to falling asleep. Once I've opened my eyes again, the morning sun is out, sneaking its rays into my room.

"Morning," I scratch Happy behind the ears, heaving myself off my bed. "Today is a big day."

I'm more flustered than usual, although I don't plan on confessing to Lucy until later during the day.

I also don't plan on telling her about the abrupt pain in my chest; it would only scare her.

Bumping into just a few more things, I sigh with a slight smile as I leave my home.

 _The things Lucy does to me._

These four weeks have surely been the best weeks of my life. It's hard to believe that I'll be able to have the rest of my life like this.

It's _very_ hard to believe.

Keen to see Lucy, I arrive at our spot and patiently wait for her. I try not to pace around too much.

Although she's only five minutes late, I begin to dial her number and call her. All I want to do is hear her voice.

"This is weird," I frown when she doesn't pick up. I dial her number again, forbidding myself to overthink the situation.

Lucy doesn't answer any of the five calls I make. It isn't until the ringing of the call is replaced by sirens when my breath comes to a halt.

 _No way._

Without a second thought, I sprint to the sirens that I'm positive are coming from an ambulance.

I would sprint forever to find where the ambulance is going, if that's what it takes.

I'm able to find the ambulance quite easily, but I wish I hadn't when I follow it down a street I haven't been on for several weeks.

It screeches to a stop in front of a building. The building I chose four weeks ago.

There's already a crowd surrounding the front of the building. I have no choice but to push past everyone to confirm that my erratic thoughts are just thoughts and nothing else.

The paramedics are already wrapping up the body once I reach the front of the crowd.

"They say she's been dead for over an hour already," a voice murmurs behind me.

"She was only a teen, wasn't she? What a shame," someone adds.

 _It's not her. That dead body isn't Lucy's._

Not taking my eyes off the black bag covering the body, I shakily bring my phone up to my ear and listen to the ringing.

My entire body becomes numb when an incredibly familiar ringtone goes off beside the body. I stare at Lucy's phone with my name lighting up on the shattered screen.

A paramedic takes a look at her phone, reaching for it to decline my call.

As I see him press the button and hear the call go to her voicemail, my mind goes blank.

"Sir, you are not allowed to take a step closer," a paramedic comes towards me, but I don't pay attention to him.

"Lucy," I croak, trying to push past the paramedic.

"Sir, you cannot come closer," he commands again, stricter than before.

With the paramedic's arm blocking me, I fall to my knees, helplessly watching the other paramedics lift Lucy's body and place it inside the back of the ambulance.

"Lucy," I repeat with a cracked voice. "You said you were happy. Were you lying to me? Was it all a lie? Everything you said?"

I can't comprehend anything since there's no response. I don't know what to do anymore.

The ambulance revs away from the scene with the crowd scattering away.

I stay on the ground—staring at the spot Lucy's body once was.

"You left me here alone," I whisper at the spot. "Why? You know, I was going to tell you something important today."

I don't care about how long I've been sitting on the ground. I don't care about the looks I get.

What I do care about is Lucy.

It might have been a sign to not kill ourselves that night four weeks ago, but it was always fate for Lucy to kill herself today.

I exist because of Lucy. And now, she is gone.

* * *

I don't hear one word about Lucy's funeral.

It would make sense for me to look it up and find the details, yet I can't bring myself to.

I don't want to see strangers cry for her. I don't want to see her gravestone. I don't want to see her father. I don't want to see any of it.

And nobody is forcing me to.

It hurts just to wake up.

I lock myself inside my room for three days; Lucy is the only person in my mind. My feelings for her remain settled in my chest the whole time.

If this is love, I don't want it.

It isn't until the third morning when I decide to go outside for a while. My muscles are stiff from staying inside all day.

I don't notice I'm going to the planetarium until I've read a sign announcing a new showing. Not only does it include the original show, but it contains more constellations and effects.

 _Lucy isn't going to get the chance to see this._

Lucy is never going to have the chance to live again. She is never going to have the chance to visit all the places she wanted.

We are never going to have the chance to hold hands or kiss.

I am never going to have the chance to tell her I love her.

We could have started a new chapter with our lives; Lucy did nothing but end the book.

The chapter I thought she was creating was the chapter she was ending.

I stick around the planetarium, reluctantly watching the new constellation show since it's only during the evening.

I'm uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people at once, but I'm glad I'm able to sit in my favorite spot in the room.

I gape at how real everything looks above us, however, it's not the same without Lucy.

There's no arm bumping against mine on the armrest.

There's no sound of a soft gasp beside me.

There's no tug on my sleeve when the stars expose themselves on the screen.

 _I hate the planetarium._

I leave in the middle of the show, not paying attention to the annoyed groans I receive when I'm in someone's way.

The sky is darkening from dark blue to black as I go to the only building calling my name with Lucy's voice.

I don't have control of my legs.

Like a month ago, everything is working out again. All of the doors are unlocked and that goes for the door to the rooftop, also.

I can vividly remember how frantic I was to save the girl I saw on the opposite building of mine.

My biggest fear was that by the time I reached the rooftop, that girl wouldn't be there anymore.

"I'm glad you were still there," I say to the vacant rooftop, my shoes clicking against the floor. The railing doesn't fail to draw me in again.

I grip the railing until my knuckles turn a ghostly white.

I take steady breaths with closed eyes, taking in all the noises I can.

The sound of paper fluttering with the gentle wind snatches my attention. With a curious expression, I follow the sound to find a small sheet of paper taped on one of the rails.

As carefully as I can, I pluck the paper off the rail and read the elegant handwriting.

I blink several times at the handwriting—the words aren't making sense.

"I live in the tiny spaces between your heartbeats."

I lift my head up at the sky blanketed with real stars and not the fake ones from the planetarium.

If Lucy lives in the tiny spaces between my heartbeats, that must mean she's living somewhere else. Right?

 _She's alive somewhere up there._

The thought is enough for my body to move on its own; I return to the position from that night.

I squeeze the railing and begin to pull myself over it. I don't look up to see if there's another person across the building from mine again.

"It's okay," I tell myself, my forearms starting to quiver. "Everything is okay. Right, Lucy?"

Once I'm over the rail, I lean back into it as much as I can. The edge of my heels is what keeps me from falling over to the ground.

I'm met with the familiar sight of where my body will land, where the ambulance will come to get me, and everything in Magnolia.

I take one last look at the sky. I want the stars to be the last thing I see.

 _Will I be able to tell you that I love you soon? Can we look at the stars together again someday?_

"Lucy," I breathe out. "Let's fall in love as soon as we meet again."

I take a final deep breath, readying my hands on the rail. I do the only thing that's left for me to meet Lucy again.

Let go.


End file.
